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To fulfill a promise I made in a previous blog entry, I'm going to list below the only good reasons to kill your young, healthy dog. And by “kill” I mean “get rid of,” or “dump at a rescue,” or “drop off at a shelter,” or “bring to a park and dump” or “set ‘free’ in a wild area.” I also mean “consciously forgetting to close the door and gate, and letting the little problem escape.”

1. You are suddenly dead
2. You are acutely, terminally ill
3. You are suddenly homeless and penniless (not to be confused with moving to a new home)
4. You have lost use of your legs and arms
5. You have tragically, and with no warning, lost the use of your mind and are in a long-term mental institution
6. You have been called to a military duty you can’t legally avoid
7. You have been kidnapped by alien invaders who have trapped you in their spaceship and taken you to Alpha Centauri.

Rescue People are here to serve the above seven categories of folks—and please don’t be offended if we check your creds. Unfortunately most of our calls are from flakier denizens of the Homo sapiens species who often impersonate the truly needy. We deal with the “same ole, same ole liars and narcissists and idiots” —people who are simply “irritated by, bored by, unexcited by or moving on emotionally’’ from their fur kids.

Oddly, I’ve found that truly deserving people—those humans whom rescue is here to serve—excepting # 1 and #5 of course, tend to be the last people who will give up on their animals. They try and try to find a good home, but sometimes can’t in the time frame they have. They call us only as a last resort—the way an animal rescue should be used: as rescue—and we are happy and honored to help.

Caveat: The # 7 reason is not one I’ve dealt with—at least not that I’ve been able to verify. But I’ll help an alien abductee any day—if he or she can get through to me from a far nebula (which ATT probably has on its switchover plan these days).

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